my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
