you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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