why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
