I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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