I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
