i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
