the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
