Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
