I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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