If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
