I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
third nipple confirmed
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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