atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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