I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
