He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
