He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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