handjob tips. give me some.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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