Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
