You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize