did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
