first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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