my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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