so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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