Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
