Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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