You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Green mimosas i think yes
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Randomize
