Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
