Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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