belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
