You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize