sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
