Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
