I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize