We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
