are you so shy because you have an std?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
