My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize