mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wish there were birth control emojis
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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