my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
