Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
