My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
