I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
