She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
