i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
