After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You are the jesus of drinking
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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