you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
