There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize