did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
