The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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