this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's official drugs can't kill me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
