I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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