I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
