One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need to calm my uterus...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
