fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
