Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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