Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
