please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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