she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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