I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
