So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
