I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's never too late to be topless.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
