i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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