I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
