shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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