Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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