New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
