Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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