She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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