Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
