so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
