Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
