Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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