oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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