do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
