hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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