Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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