Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
