I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
