Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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