I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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