I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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