You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
