Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
