Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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