is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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