I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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