theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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