a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
